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"Honey you're ready?"
"Yeah. No. Wait. Give me couple of minutes - need to cover this zit with something."
"Let me do it. Here, use this."
She patiently takes out the concealer from the drawer, and utters, "you know what they say" as she draws her hand close to my face, "it's either you're stressing about something, or you're in love" and dubs the brush onto my skin really slowly, with care. She looks me in the eyes, with those pretty steel blue eyes, and smiles so gently. I can't help it but to reminisce - about the things you and I said that day, exactly 2 years ago at the wedding.
We were once friends.
Friends who fell for each other.
There were 6 of us sitting around the table just beside the dance floor. Everything was nice, the place, the people, the lighting, the scent. While some people were dancing and others were busy eating, we were restlessly catching up. I never felt so awkward, because talking to a beautiful woman like you, made me feel so nervous. I doubted I ever stopped fidgeting. I lied to you saying I was enjoying the music; and you just giggled away. Busted. You were funny, and witty too. We jumped from one topic to another, from music to food, from London to Paris, from Me to You, and from "that to this".
"This, er, what do you mean, THIS?"
"Us." she said. Brief.
"I.. Yes, us. what about us?"
"I like you. LIKE, LIKE you."
"I.."
"Don't you like me Bill?"
"I do.. In fact. I-"
"Stutter."
We both cracked. Cracked so hard.
"I'm very nervous. Yes, I LIKE, LIKE YOU TOO Jenna."
"One day, we're gonna be up there", she pointed to the bride.
"I wanna be up there."
And today here I am. In less than hour, I am going to be a husband, to a woman who is goddam beautiful. I want to get married. Married to this woman I love.
"There you go."
"Alright."
"You look handsome. Bill."
"Thank you baby."
"You're ready?"
"Yes Sarra. I'm ready."
I wanna be up there, just not with you.
My favorite part of the day was always during the nights, because ;
1. You showed me that I was the only reason who made you smile in the mornings.
2. You would listen to my stories I had just read, learnt, thought of, experienced, dreamt and hoped, faithfully like a Dad, even when your ears or eyes sore.
3. You would hold my hand tight, and even tighter when I tried to pull away.
4. You would let me hug you anytime of the night, as long as I wanted.
5. You would never mind if I didn't smell nice, and you'd call me by names and you meant it in a good way.
6. Sometimes I just couldn't sleep and you'd catch me staring at you, and you'd smile and I'd pretend to be asleep and when I opened my eyes, you'd close yours - it was one of those games you never grew tired of.
7. Sometimes when you wanted me but I was really wasted, you'd shower me with compliments, such as "you're mine" and go a little crazy and you'd bite me like I was some sort of a sushi or something - which felt good; and I always pretended that it hurt so that you'd offer your hand for me to bite in return.
8. You always drew that long pity face when I stopped talking; and asked me "what's wrong b?" - and left me on Cloud 9.
9. When I was famished or thirsty you would never hesitate to prepare something for me, or to take me out for a late dinner - even if it was 3 o'clock in the morning.
10. When we had a fight anytime before we went to bed, you'd be as mad as hell but instead of chasing me out when we were about to sleep, you'd take my hand and placed it on your hair to signal PAST TENSE.
Let me, now, tell you three things you don't realize.
1. You never thought of the days to come. It never struck you of what we had built, how far we had reached, and how tough we had been. If only you realized that - when we had a fight on the day, and you'd still wake up in the morning feeling happy when I was there beside you, EVERY SINGLE TIME IT HAPPENED, then you wouldn't let this end.
2. Have you ever felt or done, these 10 things to other people, to anyone, for two bloody years, before you knew me? Don't lie. You don't realize how much we had loved each other.
3. You had chose to run out of the door, and don't realize that you forgot to tell me that "it was just another PAST TENSE".
"Looks so good that it hurts" - Mario.
I MAY BE the luckiest person alive.
What is special about her, apart from her warming feminist soft side, is the eyes she possesses. They glisten almost all the time, the best when it’s during the day, and the best when her heart breaks and the best when she looks at you right in your eyes. You can’t decide whether to snap or kneel - looking at the picture of a sky reborn in the dawn through her eyes. Those amazing black eyelashes, flipping up and down as if they sweep away the sorrow trapped in the vault of your heart, like a key to get through the rocky side of you. Her smile, oh, don’t get me there! When she smiles, the world smiles with her.
I consider myself lucky to have her,yes.
But because of those eyes,
I can’t help it but to think that she owns the world;
and the world owns her, too.
Their relationship was platonic, there was this mixture of love and care and a little bit of annoyance and a pinch of hate - but most of it was doubtless, love and care. Nelly and Chuck were best friends.
Both of them had always shared their problems, their anticipation and hopes, the past and present and future, they can talk from one point to another without losing grip of comprehension. It was an empathic sort of conversation, and they engaged with each other as if they had known for years.
Chuck had once asked Nelly, 'What do you think happen if we marry each other?' Nelly’s cheeks were instantly flushed with blush, but she pretended she didn't hear it - though to anyone it would be clear and loud - replied a simple 'huh?', and then skillfully changed the topic.
It took months before Nelly learnt that the question was meant for something else. It wasn’t 'would we able to love each other, grow old together, be with each other till death comes and departs with our lives' kind of thing. It was rather 'Would you treat me like other people who would die to have a try? Would you feel lucky if you're married to me? Do you really love me, 'cause if it's a yes then I'll know I can find anyone I like!'
Things were changing slowly, and it took a simple essence of experience to tell anyone that this was one of life’s ABCs. Nelly, never tired of being optimistic, had countless of times told Chuck what she thought and felt, but failed to prevail.
One day she wrote a letter of goodbye to Chuck, because knowing him for another few months would only kill her more. She wrote the letter on a white paper with a red pen. It said;
“Insensitivity is when you sigh the moment you know I have a problem you couldn’t solve.
Insensitivity is when you ask me to not bother you when you’re sleeping but you senselessly poking my side when I am asleep.
Insensitivity is when you have all the money in the world but you pretend that you don’t have a penny at all and you begin to feast whatever I have even though it is apparent that I haven’t eaten for days.
Insensitivity is when you make that look as if you know it all but the truth is, you never know what it is because you have never experience what I’ve experienced and you are busy with yourself and yourself only.
Insensitivity is when you refuse to help me, not knowing that I’ve helped saving your faces a thousand times.
Insensitivity is when someone had just moved out from the house and you blamed me for it, oblivious to the fact that the reason is YOU.
Insensitivity is when you told me you fell in love with someone particular but seek for another when you thought no one is looking.
Insensitivity is when you have the time to criticize others in social networks as if you have countless things to say, but nothing when you’re sitting just beside them.
Insensitivity is when you ask anyone to go out with you but you always forever busy with your phone and self.
Insensitivity is when you disregard your friends around you - that includes me - and seek for those who aren’t real in social networks.
Insensitivity is when you praise yourself, but fail to embrace when someone else praises himself.
Insensitivity is when you listen to me for just awhile and said you have nothing to say but then you found a platform to degrade me, and said it well.”
She hid the letter under his pillow when he was out, and she left the house, made a promise to herself that she would never come back.
Suddenly, her mind told her, there was one more thing she forgot to write -
“Insensitivity is when you read this letter and not knowing what I meant.”
Korang kalau tak gaduh memang tak sah, kan? Mesti kau nak menang, dan bila kau nak menang, dia pula nak menang. Bila dia nak menang dah kau lagi lah nak menang. Gaduh, seorang api, seorang lagi api. Mana airnya? Asyik-asyik nak bertikam lidah, maki, caci, sini, sana. Kenapa tak bergaduh dalam sukan je? Baik untuk kesihatan, bukan?
Kau pun satu, kenapa kau tak ingat masa kau dengan dia main game sama-sama dulu, sokong sama sokong, tolong sama tolong? Kau dah lupa janji simpul mati kau - "kita dua tak terer, tapi apa yang penting adalah kita berlawan sama-sama"?
Ha, dia, satu lagi. Kenapa lah dia tak dampingi kau? Dulu dia sesaat pun tak boleh berpisah dengan kau. Bangun nak sayang, makan nak sayang, mandi nak sayang, tidur nak sayang. Apa dia dah lupa janji simpul mati dia - "jangan bimbang masalah yang datang, saya akan jadi penyelesaiannya".
Tapi sekarang dah lain, bukan? Asyik-asyik nak bertikam lidah, maki, caci, sini, sana. Gaduh, seorang api, seorang lagi api. Mana airnya?
Kau, apa lagi, pergilah jumpa dia, pandanglah mata dia, tak perlu ungkapkan apa-apa, cuma, sentuhlah tangan dia dan pegang eratlah tangan itu, kerana lidahnya sudah kelu untuk apa-apa. Aku cuma nak bagitahu kau, sebab aku dia.
Part 2.
Ronnie had fallen in love. She had gasped in the breath of love and she was certain about it, because she was restless, she fidgeted from time to time on her bed, and she would held tight to her cellphone, waiting for a single tone. One night Tucker had forgotten to ring her, and as time consumed her, she finally fell to sleep. That night, yes, that night, she dreamt again.
There was a wooden cabin in a strange deserted place, and inside there were a lot of people in the shimmering light of candles, having dinner. At a corner, was a spot where a table stood, and there, sat Ronnie, Tucker and his two friends. It was a picture of deep joy, until Tucker asked her for a moment outside. Holding each other’s hands, they made their way out passed the strangers. Outside, it was just him and her. They were talking about something, but Ronnie couldn’t hear it. She was so close to them, but all she knew was that - it began with a small sweet talk, but ended with a big-bang. It all happened in silence. Yet she was certain that she heard a broken heart. Suddenly it went dark - she knew she was alone, stranded in a strange land. It was even darker when she opened her eyes.
It was 8pm the next day when Tucker had texted her. Ronnie felt a little odd, but deep inside her disturbed mind, she knew she was happy. They went out to a restaurant Ronnie had never gone to, with glistening candles, and sat at a corner. The waitress in black uniform greeted them with warm smile, and Tucker had been such a gentleman. He ordered for Ronnie, he made sure that Ronnie got what she desired - it couldn’t be more obvious that he had put extra effort s that night to please her. Ronnie felt safe and sound and utterly pleased, and at that very moment she wished she could have another 100 nights like that – the night where everything was just about him and her, when crowd suddenly became a breeze that can barely be heard. It was a picture of deep joy - until two of his friends came. Things had gone so very fast, it began with a small talk, but ended with a big-bang of disappointment. All of them walked out of the door and left her. It was getting louder – the crowd – they were indifferent to her, they ate and ate and ate, and the sound of the spoons and forks and the plates, and the talk, they talked and talked and talked, and the chairs, they screeched - it was getting louder, and louder. And just when everything was sinking, she heard a broken heart.
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